为自己的无知感到羞愧

真的没想过自己其实真的很幸福

雨水从上星期就一直下

除了觉得很冷和担心衣服不能干

都没有因为连续下雨而感到困扰

还有时间吃瓜

后来雨真的不停 慢慢地听到大家在讨论淹水了

我无知地以为 雨停了就好了 

马来西亚淹水也不是第一次

也有问身边的朋友 大多数都没被影响 就不以为然

直到看到NGO开始在赈灾 然后不好的消息接踵而来

我才意识到 这次的水灾比以往严重

读了很多水灾的新闻和看了一些水灾的影片

才发现自己实在是很无知 

我以为雨停就代表一切都没事了

只要等水位退了 打扫一下就可以了

完全低估了灾后清洗的困难 

更别谈水灾造成的损失多惨重

羞于自己的无知 也感谢如今资讯发达

本来还天真地想当志愿者去帮忙

了解更多后才发现救援工作需要很高的专业性

千万别逞英雄和好心做坏事

这也是我第一次观看那么多马来西亚网红的影片

原来专业的新闻报道和素人的影片记录都可以是很好的资讯来源

知道了其实到今天很多地方的水位都还没退 再次为自己的无知感到羞愧

希望一切都可以好起来 受影响的大家加油 

能做的不多 我只希望自己以后可以意识到乱丢垃圾的后果 可能这个小行为会在几年后夺走无数宝贵的性命

人力单薄 但做好自己 是我可以控制的

可能就是和大学相克吧

 入学时因为来不及拿到MUET成绩而差点无法报名 完全不通融 最后escalate issue才允许我用IELST成绩报名

实习时一直不给我们信 搞到我们很迟才可以申请实习 很多朋友因为这样错失很多好公司 还要因为我公司的intake日期不一样而警告我会fail实习 还责怪我那么多公司不选 为什么要选我的公司？？？Hello 是你自己安排到week 1是过年期间 正常大公司都不会过年有intake

办活动时场地就常常有问题 一直book不到 不然就是equipment少给

代表学校去比赛赢奖为校争光 还投诉我们不出席颁奖典礼 威胁不给我们claim交通费 最后我必须放弃另一个活动来出席 一直去求情 才肯approve我们的claims 要知道几十块的交通费对学生来说真的很多

毕业后拿证书申请PTPTN waiver也是要打几十次电话才可以 别人的大学都是很快就拿到cert了好吗 

现在连个毕业典礼都不好好通知我有领奖 不帮忙也算了 还要酸言酸语也算了 只是问下那些awards的细节都要pass几个部门 我真的不会了

别提以前一些莫名其妙的政策和规矩 我也不太记得了

算了吧 我就当我省钱 最重要的是 目前的人生目标和重心和那份文凭无关

P.S.

那个奖金最好给我准时bank in进我户口 不然我又要打电话去干人了

不懂算不算是长大的领悟

 羡慕是人的本性。小时候家里真的很穷，印象中的自己常常都在羡慕别人。因为心里很渴望拥有，所以说了很多谎言来美化自己和家人。慢慢地，我学会了接纳自己的家人，也勇敢地面对自己童年时的物质和情感缺失，因为我相信面对是第一步，也是最难的一步，但只要过了那个坎，一切都会好起来的。

学会面对后，我发现其实羡慕是个很不必要的情绪，因为拥有等于失去，失去也等于拥有。这世界最神奇的运作方式就是，我们真的无法同时拥有所有东西。我们羡慕别人所拥有的一切，却忽视他们背后的努力。羡慕别人的同时，我们也忘了看看自己所拥有的。

一切皆有可能，我相信都是自己的选择。我们的人生，都是在为每个选择而承担后果。

P.S.身为个凡人，我当然还是会羡慕别人的啦！只是羡慕已经变成一个Touch N Go的情绪，还是努力奋斗实际点，谁让我没有金钥匙出生哈哈哈

忍不住要骂这波骚操作

不确定是不是因为我个性比较无聊，我对综艺节目一直不太感冒。平常看综艺只因为喜欢的偶像上那档综艺。《青春环游记2》是我第一个定期观看并会期待的综艺，这综艺内容没什么特别，甚至还有很多可圈可点的地方，但胜在嘉宾们的化学反应很好，而且很真实！我还为了他们下载了微博！就为了看他们在微博的互动和热搜。

因为第二季真的很好看，对第三季一直很期待，尤其去年官宣原班人马会继续拍第三季时就很期待。结果开播不是很顺利，我盼了那么久，在2021年最后第二个月盼来了只有三个老成员的《青春环游记3》。周深和朗朗不继续参与的决定能被理解，也不意外，新成员我也能接受，只是会降低我的期望。

结果第一期的播出就让人很失望了。不是内容不好，也不觉得新成员加入有问题，但我实在是受不了浙江的骚操作。第二季还没爆红的时候，星期六晚上节目播出后很快就能在油管观看。第三季播出后，光是花絮就超过十个影片？我等了一个周末都等不到正片，上网搜，好吧我已经猜到是因为要付费成为VIP才能抢先看。我能明白节目红了，VIP付费是一种赚钱方法。没关系，我就在非法管道观看。但我还是很希望可以在油管官方频道观看，以表示我的支持。

好不容易今晚等到了正片！火速按进去立马就看到以下画面？

想请问这是什么状况？明明第二季上载原片都是很准时，第三季先让会员观看我能明白，但不允许马来西亚人观看我真的是不懂了。我弟告诉我《跑男》会比较迟在马来西亚播，但什么时候《青春环游记》也有这样的骚操作了？而且我记得过了周末就可以看《跑男》了，现在《青春环游记》难道比《跑男》这个日渐没落的国民综艺还大牌？（话说《跑男》也没有10多个花絮啊，还有连《王牌对王牌》正片也会在隔天上载啊）

就只想好好地看个综艺，都已经降低期待值和标准了，都可以被这波操作气到了，我的天。

《你是我的榮耀》-- 今年內看過豆瓣最低分的電視劇

標題沒有要裝逼或貶低這部劇的意思--由於私人時間有限，我常常會根據豆瓣上的評分來排雷，避免不小心浪費了寶貴的青春在一些莫名其妙的電視劇。《你是我的榮耀》是中國都市愛情劇，也是我鮮少看的戲劇類型，因為我的血液裡沒有浪漫的基因，加上我常會被我媽媽看的中國甜寵劇裡的尷尬的台詞、可怕的濾鏡、不存在的演技勸退。

會看這部劇是因男友介紹，本來看到豆瓣7.0分有點勸退，但後來看到很多評論解釋分數偏低的原因，是因為這部劇的好康程度比不上其它神劇，但也不至於到難看。我也注意到很少up主吐槽這部劇，證明這部劇不會太糟糕，所以我就點開了這部不被up主青睞的劇。

看完後我明白了豆瓣7.0分的理由。這部劇故事節奏比較緩慢，沒有吸引眼球的狗血劇情，也沒有甚麼演技炸裂的名場面，主要是靠男女主角的互動和CP感撐起這部劇。我總算是get到了楊洋的顏值，他的演技在這部偶像劇裡算是過關。迪麗熱巴在這部劇飾演的是當紅女明星，基本就是演自己就好。所以男女主角的演技方面不成問題，其他配角都有自己的亮點，不拉跨。至於CP感是很主觀的，見仁見智，看完32集後我覺得男女主角互動很自然，不過不會到磕真人CP的地步。

讓我比較驚喜的是劇情蠻貼合現實的，台詞也很接地氣，喜歡看男女主角的互動！沒有很多莫名其妙強硬推進男女主角之間的感情！這真的很重要！雖然是愛情劇但邏輯還是要有，不然很難有代入感。這部劇最有代入感就是男女主角玩王者榮耀，那些遊戲專用詞和我弟玩遊戲時一模一樣啊。男主角的人設雖然很聰明但不會太浮誇（最討厭那些愛情劇的男主智商可以碾壓愛因斯坦，但所做出的行為連我弟中學生智商都表示無法理解），我喜歡男主恰到好處的自戀自己的智商和顏值，好笑之餘增加男主的親切感。

這部劇前部分主要講述本是高中同學的男女主角通過玩王者榮耀再續前緣，後半部分男主復工後就比較注重男主在航天局的工作和男女主角如何在忙碌的工作中談戀愛。終於男女主角的正職不是談戀愛了！男主航天局的工作是劇裡的亮點，但身為文科生的我默默地skip掉這部分的劇情。不是不好看，純粹是我才疏學淺，不能了解航天局的工作。所以這部劇和我以往看劇不一樣的地方在於，以前我都是在愛情戲分時按快進，這部劇我反而只看愛情部分嘿嘿。

我覺得這部愛情劇的觀感很舒服的原因源自於它所傳達的婚戀態度，很契合我的愛情觀。在一段健康的感情裡，做自己和成全對方是同樣重要的。我們的社會提倡的價值觀是男人必須成為家裡的經濟支助，被老公養的女人是幸福的。我理解女人希望被寵愛的心情，但我不理解的是為何女人必須把自己的愛情和生活質量寄託在男人身上？如果女人有能力掙錢，我們也可以掙我們的錢，分擔另一半的經濟重擔的同時也享受對方的疼愛，兩者並不矛盾吧？畢竟社會在進步，女人所得到的教育和就業機會增加了，上一代男主外女主內的文化不一定合適於所有情侶。劇裡男主前女友分手的理由也反映了這點--“你明明有能力掙錢，為什麼偏偏有理想”。她要分手不是因為男主不上進，而是男主選擇了賺錢比較少的行業，因為那是他的理想。而他的理想在彼此認識時已經定下了，所以也不存在情侶談戀愛時改變了的說法。

反之男女主相愛時，女主的態度是堅決地支持男友的理想，甚至會尊重和理解男主的事業，例如他的工作會需要保密，行蹤比較不定。而在自己的男友不斷朝自己理想前進時，女主也會想要努力進步，雖然彼此始終有差距，但因為愛情，他願意慢一點，在下個拐彎等她；她也願意快一點，在下個上坡趕上他，最終他們一起抵達了目的地，成為了更好的自己，也擁有了更好的他/她。

當然在看劇時我也會好奇，如果今天女主不是掙錢很多的女明星，而是和我們一樣的白領，她還能接受男主的理想嗎？畢竟很多時候愛情劇會看起來如此美好，是因為公主和王子的結局只停留在結婚了，而沒有交代他們怎樣應對柴米油鹽醬醋茶的日子。這部劇裡女主角和她閨蜜的對話給了我們答案--”你是不是傻，要是真的話，那我更不得緊緊地抓緊他！”。喜歡女主堅定地表達了自己不管甚麼身份都會愛男主，理解男主的理想。老實說，男主雖然工錢可能不如投行，但是他在體制內工作，有房有車有穩定工資，以結婚對象來說算不錯。只能說世上不可能有完美的另一半，喜歡我們的另一半並非工作或身份，而是因為他是那個他。

總結來說，這是部比較寫實的大明星和航天設計師的戀愛劇，沒有轟轟烈烈的愛情，倒是對白有不少令人害羞的虎狼之詞哈哈哈。可以沖楊洋的顏值追這部劇，個人覺得迪麗熱巴還是漂亮，但就是感覺太瘦了。

1 year older, 1 year wiser

今天最开心的事莫过于不用工作！不是请annual leave，是公司给予的birthday leave～以前还没做工不了解为何需要birthday leave，因为不浪漫的我对生日没有感觉，只是喜欢以生日为由和朋友的聚会。

结果做工后我领悟了birthday leave的重要性。且不论平白赚了公司一天假期（话说我加班时公司也没补偿我呀），生日不需要工作的意义在于，平常身不由己的打工人在这个特别的日子终于可以对自己的生活多了一些自主权！我个人觉得比拿annual leave更爽——我今天生日我不打工，我是自己人生的老板——尽管只有一天哈哈哈哈！

昨晚不小心熬夜看戏，今早没调闹钟但还是习惯早起（话说我就算上班也是没调闹钟的，因为对我的生理时钟和我弟的闹钟很有信心哈哈哈）。看戏、和朋友叙旧、收朋友的礼物和蛋糕、煮饭、烘培（晚上偷懒决定不运动哈哈哈），不知不觉就过了一天！没有鲜花、气球或适合放上网的美图，整天因为在厨房忙碌而满身汗臭味，但还是感觉很幸福。仪式感的意思因人而异，能获得大家用自己的方式给予的祝福和爱就是最好的礼物。

喜欢在生日反思，看看自己在过去一年为自己的生命做了什么。去年在玩了一个心理游戏后发现自己没有把爱自己放在首位，习惯以他人为先，觉得学习慢慢爱自己。唯有学会爱自己，才能爱别人，因为爱是生命的能量，源自于自己，在流向别人。最难拿捏的部分就是在不伤害别人的前提是爱自己吧。生命有太多的功课，我就用每一次的生日来检查我的进度呗。

“生命各种选择题 改变或留在原地

金银斧头 不能都拥有”

——鱼丁糸《蜂蜜人參》

書蟲小姊姊回歸

 以前我曾是大家公認的書呆子，除了讀為了備考的書籍，也很喜歡閱讀課外書籍。也許是受限於當時的娛樂選擇吧，隨著擁有了手提電腦和電話後，我開始減少閱讀課本以外的書籍。因此，我察覺自己的表達和敘事能力有下滑的趨勢。雖然我能從觀看影片獲得資訊（我個人不覺得能稱之為知識），但閱讀所給予大腦的鍛鍊是和影片所提供的視覺刺激是無可比較的。尤其踏入社會工作後無需準備應試，閱讀時間驟降，感覺在不閱讀自己的腦袋就要生鏽了。加上常常看到朋友在朋友圈分享閱讀的書籍，塵封在體內已久的閱讀細胞蠢蠢欲動，所以決定要在今年重拾閱讀的興趣。

考慮到自己已成年，所擁有的空閒時間有限，會比以前更在意閱讀的書籍種類和所能吸取的知識，因此開始閱讀一些知識性或成長類的書籍。由於本身就不太喜歡這樣的類型，加上很久沒有閱讀習慣和有很多外在的干擾因素，這都成了我重拾閱讀習慣的絆腳石。我發現我在閱讀英文的知識類書籍會需要更多思考時間。對比之下，看小說只需沉浸在情節和意境，而華語又是我的強項，看華語小說於我而言實在是零難度。但正因為我的英語能力有待進步，我仍堅持閱讀知識性的書籍的英語版。

為了在吸取知識和培養閱讀的愛好之間達到平衡，我決定不強迫自己只看知識性書籍。抱有強烈目的性的閱讀習慣很難持續，唯有適當的減壓放鬆才能持久，尤其在下班後身心疲累，不想把自己的神經逼得那麼緊繃。

所以我開始允許自己閱讀小說，結果發現這招果然有效！重拾閱讀習慣之餘，專注在閱讀的時間也變長了，隨之下降的是每天花在社交媒體的時間，以前總是千方百計地控制自己，原來秘訣是找個更有趣的娛樂就好了呀！（雖然應該很少人覺得閱讀很有娛樂性）

為了鼓勵和獎勵自己，決定寫這篇文章來記錄我最近所閱讀的小說和簡短的觀後感，也可以藉機鍛鍊我寫作能力。

1. 《祈禱落幕時》 -- 東野圭吾

話說我從小就特愛推理小說，自然是不能錯過東野圭吾的好作品。這本小說有和《白夜行》同工異曲之處，同樣敘述一個人為了另一個人犧牲自己的身份生活並活在黑暗中，但《祈禱落幕時》有讓讀者了解主人翁的視角，令讀者為犧牲者和被成全者的關係更加動容。我喜歡以加賀警官的母親作為敘事線的寫作手法，巧妙地和幾起罪案串連一次。

2. 《白夜行》-- 東野圭吾

說到東野圭吾，必定不會少了《白夜行》。神奇的是我第一本閱讀東野圭吾的小說竟不是這本家喻戶曉的名著。由於曾觀看《白夜行》電視劇的講解，我已經知道了故事情節，因此我曾猶豫是否應該拜讀這本小說，畢竟我愛閱讀東野圭吾的小說的原因之一就是喜歡他製造的懸疑感。

好奇被劇透後的閱讀體驗是否不同，我後來決定來個速讀，然後發現我真的低估了這本在豆瓣高達9分的書籍！小說比電視劇解說多了更多耐人尋味的情節和伏筆，也讓讀者從不同角色的視角了解到事情的真相。就算我提前知道了劇情，看完後也感覺情節好燒腦，光是記得每個角色的名字和關係都挺難的。看來這本小說不止不適合當夜間讀物，也不適合當娛樂休閒讀物啊！

和《祈禱落幕時》不一樣的地方就是沒有犯案者的剖白，只能從旁人的視角去看待犯案者，可以說多了很多討論的空間（那天拜讀了一篇神分析劇情的文章，但只有作者知道到底是bug還是大家多慮了），也更符合書裡大boss的人設--永遠戴著面具，永遠都是那麼深不可測。

3. 《惡意》-- 東野圭吾

在讀《惡意》時，我真的一直以為我是不是不小心跳了幾章，因為在小說的前部分很快就揭曉了誰是兇手。當我以為這是本短篇小說時，誰知後面的情節反轉又反轉（我忽然莫名聯想到《家有喜事》裡的經典場景--巴黎鐵達反轉又反轉，不好意思突然跳tone），看到最後我只能說，我根本不該忘了這本書的作者是誰呀！沒有跌宕起伏的情節能是東野圭吾的作品嗎？雖然我覺得結尾有太刻意呼應小說主題的痕跡，但閱讀過程的體驗真的很爽！東野圭吾應該是我最心甘情願被騙的男人吧嘿嘿。

4. 《解憂雜貨店》-- 東野圭吾

好我知道我根本就是東野圭吾迷，但他真的有太多小說啊哈哈哈。這本也是他比較出名的作品之一，我幾年前看過根據這本小說改編的電影，我只能說我後悔把時間浪費在這部電影。看完這本小說我能敬佩東野圭吾的寫作能力。通常我們對於懸疑小說的印象都是停留在兇殺案和尋找真相，但這本懸疑小說根本沒有任何罪案！我甚至還從中領悟了一些道理。是本很溫暖的小說，所表達的三觀也很不錯，東野圭吾將幾條故事線串起來的能力還是讓看了他那麼多本作品後的我那麼敬佩。這本強烈推薦成為人生必讀的小說之一。

5.《假面飯店》--東野圭吾

這是出現在本篇最後一次出現的東野圭吾作品！喜歡這部大量描繪男女主角之間的互動，不過感很多情節都在刻劃日本飯店打工人的專業形象，反而沒有對命案和嫌疑犯有過多的描述，主要都是靠警察的口述來了解情況和調查方向。好處就是增加趣味性，不過壞處就是懸疑感刻劃不到位，謎底揭曉那刻雖有驚喜但沒有很震驚。或許作者的寫作主旨就是塑造《假面飯店》每個人都戴著面具的感覺吧。這本是少數我不會二刷的東野圭吾小說。

6. 《追風箏的人》-- 卡勒德·胡赛尼

朋友們，終於不是東野圭吾的作品了！我在閱讀完這本小說後才發現它擁有豆瓣圖書Top 24的殊榮！這足以解釋這本小說的好看程度。也許是作者所描述的情節過於真實，加上以第一人稱視角寫作增加了讀者的代入感，我在讀完後一度誤以為這是本根據真人真事改編的小說。後來閱讀了一些網絡資訊才了解到是作者根據自己在阿富汗的親身經歷杜撰的。這部小說大量描繪的阿富汗生活補充了我些許知識盲點（也讓我聯想到近期關於塔利班的國際新聞）。更讓我印象深刻的是作者對於人性、親情和友情的描繪。這本小說或許帶有點政治色彩，但無阻它精彩的故事性和情感的真實度。

7. 《房思琪的初戀樂園》-- 林奕含

由於這本書的內容性質，閱讀它的體驗真的很糟糕，但我還是希望所有家裡有女兒的父母能閱讀它。我在閱讀這本書時最震驚的部分是誘拐的發生原來是可以那麼輕而易舉的。儘管書中描述的情況讓人不舒服，但不代表我們可以忽略那些尚未暴露在陽光下的罪案。我始終不明白我們常常說這個社會在進步，但仍然談性色變。我們每個人的出生都是由於性行為，那我們為何要那麼害怕討論它？難道這個社會的性罪案還是無法讓大人們意識到社會對於性的緊急感是問題的根源？

看完後，只有心碎和心疼。更讓我知道我必須擁有正確的知識，來保護自己、家人、朋友。我們的力量有限，阻止不了許多可怕的罪案，但我們可以從做好自己並影響身邊人開始。

以上就是到目前為止所閱讀的華語小說。希望可以成功培養閱讀習慣，慢慢從文字探索不一樣的世界，也希望自己閱讀英語書籍的能力和速度可以進步！

难怪被称作神作 ——《钢之炼金术师》

《钢之炼金术师》这个名字让我联想到《钢铁 是怎样炼成的》这本书，因此判断这是部很严肃的动漫，刚好最近想欣赏不同题材的戏，就选择看这部在to-watch-list已久的动漫，结果意外发现撇开故事结构完整、节奏不拖沓，竟然还有搞笑的日常！让我弟误以为我在看欢乐的废戏。

这部戏的主题是等价交换，也就是我们常说的“上帝为你讲关上一扇门，必然会为你打开一扇窗”。喜欢男主和弟弟虽然失去了自己的身体，却没有过多的抱怨，而是为自己的行为负责任，并很积极地寻找回复身体的方法，也很清晰地知道君子有所为有所不为，不会因为他是男主而合理化与主题冲突的行为。

很佩服编剧塑造每个角色的功力，人物丰富多元，每个配角甚至不起眼的龙套路人都有各自的闪耀点。不过也因为太多角色，看戏时真的要很专注！也很喜欢反派角色的分身以七宗罪命名，每个分身的结局各有不同的精彩点和意思。我本身不喜欢非黑即白的剧情，更不喜欢为了政治正确反派必须在结尾莫名降智下线！

最让我惊讶的是斯卡的结局。像斯卡这样的复仇者被仇恨蒙蔽双眼的剧情千遍一律，大多都是复仇到一个点突然莫名醒悟并以死谢罪，因为只要人死了很多问题都不了了之。我常常会在看到复仇的剧情时都会希望看到除了停止复仇的行为能有更进一步化解恩怨的办法，而这部动漫的编剧给了我答案。斯卡勇敢地面对罪过，用自己的行动改变他人的种族歧视，矫正以往的过失。这些行为比死亡更难。

我最喜欢的角色是弟弟！那高大威猛的盔甲和可爱的配音真的很有反差萌啊！（哥哥太多大喊大叫的台词，可怜我的耳膜）一开始以为弟弟很依赖哥哥，但慢慢发现其实弟弟很有自己的想法，在关键时刻智商不掉线，果断地做决定，并笃定地相信自己的哥哥。看到他为了救哥哥而放弃自己的灵魂那幕没有很惊讶，因为我知道这就是我喜欢的温柔体贴的好孩子。这个孩子为了让妈妈复活而失去了身体，灵魂只能依附在冰冷的盔甲，但他没有抱怨，不知情的他人戳到他的痛处也不会生气，甚至还会安慰哥哥。也许是身边的人给予他的温暖，让他的价值观在成长过程没有产生偏差。幸好剧情没有狗血地莫名分化两兄弟，或要他们争女人，为编剧的智商在线狂打call！话说习惯了弟弟高大威猛的盔甲，结局弟弟的身体恢复后竟然觉得很陌生哈哈！

结尾的台词犹如画龙点睛，尤其那句“钢铁般的意志”很为之动容。这句台词除了形容命途多舛的两兄弟经历生活的磨难后的收获，也映射了男主的头衔——钢之炼金术师。

愿我们在新冠疫情和生活的千锤百炼后仍能有钢铁般的意志活下去。

“教训不伴随着痛楚 便没有意义

因为没有牺牲 人就得不到任何东西

然而当人忍耐 战胜这痛楚的时候

就能得到无比强韧的内心 不屈服于任何事物

没错 强如钢铁的内心”

《我是遗物整理师》

 在马来西亚冠病死亡人数创新高的这天，我点开了这部据说很催泪感人的电视剧。单看这部剧的戏就很容易猜到剧情走向，但其新颖的题材和伏笔还是让我在周末一口气看完十集。它比我预期中挖掘更深层的话题，主要着墨人与人之间的情感与回忆。也许是因为人死后，留下的就是与所爱之人共同的回忆吧。

Remember me, although I have to say goodbye

P.S.这部剧给予我最大的惊喜就是秀英竟然有参演！

快速更新下

 七月本来有要写部落格的灵感，但都被拖延症所耽搁了，为了弥补就写个简单的吧。

最近看了两部旧电视剧——《康熙王朝》和《雍正王朝》。和男友交往这些年就听他安利过《雍正王朝》，但本人实在对这个工作狂皇帝没有太多的兴趣，所以一直都没看。恰好最近看完了《鹿鼎记》后对康熙产生了兴趣，就开始追《康熙王朝》，才发现原来这部电视剧是我小学时看的一本小说改编的！演员的演技和台词功底真的无可挑剔，剧情并非完全根据历史，有些类似《延禧攻略》主角光环庇护之下过关斩将的故事。比较失望的是九子夺嫡的部分没有拍出来，看着大阿哥和太子一直秀兄弟情深感觉很莫名其妙。

看完《康熙王朝》后有去豆瓣看了看影评，发现有人说看完《雍正王朝》才知道《康熙王朝》多不好看。这留言和男友的强推让充满好奇心的我点开了《雍正王朝》。第一集的剧情就环环相扣、引人入胜，没有过多的废话！慢慢看下去发现这部剧是认认真真地讲述皇帝如何治理国家啊。前半段主要是讲述雍正如何在九子夺嫡胜出，很喜欢饰演康熙的演员焦晃对晚年康熙的诠释！康熙盛世固然流芳百世，但我个人更喜爱康熙晚年的故事。除了其精彩程度提供了许多电视剧的剧情题材，我很好奇一位圣君在开创了盛世后，亲眼看着亲儿子夺权和社稷弊端略略浮现却无能为力的感觉。

《雍正王朝》后半段没有前半段那么出彩，因为都是讲述雍正这位工作狂如何得罪人。看到后半段时真的很有共鸣，现实中有很多我们知道是正确的事情，但由于会损害他人利益所以很多人都不愿意做，而且有心人推广时也会面临重重困难，实属不易啊。看戏时也会想起自己的国家，想到那个任由疫情肆虐、百姓受苦但心思都花在夺权的政府。我的国家还能出一个愿意为了社稷百姓而得罪权贵的领导者吗？就算首相真的下台了，接班的领袖真的能有魄力整顿我们的国家吗？

有些偏题了。总结一下，我觉得两部电视剧都各有特色。《康熙王朝》就是适合下饭的爽剧，相比许多古装剧更值得一看。《雍正王朝》过于真实，娱乐性偏低，但也让我更喜欢雍正和十三爷！以前看《步步惊心》我就站四爷党，因为我喜欢认真做事的人。别人道他残酷无情，我只知道帝王家本就无情，所谓孤家寡人莫过于此。（话说乔引娣有若曦的影子，好奇《步步惊心》作者灵感是否来自这部剧）

喜欢看完好剧的感觉，感觉接下来应该看的电视剧类型会是历史正剧吧。

Coffee Lam's advanced level workout challenge - FAIL

Yes you didn't see the blog post title wrongly - CY has failed the workout challenge. I was on track by completing Day 1 and Day 2 challenge (and felt like dying after that). However, I was intimidated by the 55 minutes full body cardio for Day 3 challenge, and I started looking for excuses to not proceed with Day 3. The fact that I actually GAINED 1kg further demotivated me from taking up the tough challenge - no obvious results seen after pushing myself out of comfort zone. Rationally, I am aware that I am facing weight loss plateau and daily body weight fluctuation could be contributed by numerous factors including diet and sleep (and it's actually just 1KG... Not a tremendous weight gain). 

But you know..... Human beings would behave irrationally at times. Weight loss is one of the measurable results for exercising and not achieving that even after adjusting the intensity of workout is discouraging. Being unmotivated, I skipped my exercise routine for 2 consecutive days, convincing myself that I was overwhelmed by work and required more rest time. Interestingly, I felt uneasy for not working out and just wasted my time on phone. It felt so incomplete if I give up half way without attempting the remaining workout challenge. My friend who maintains a workout routine every two days told me this happened because workout has become our habit, which is a positive sign! 

After 2 consecutive rest days, I made a comeback and proved that my guess was right - I couldn't complete the Day 3 challenge. I gave it a try but was unable move on with the second cardio video due to low stamina. I admitted that bothered me some time as I was unsure if the workout was too challenging or just me not putting enough effort as per last week. Upon reflection, I recalled my first attempt of the cardio video - my heartbeat rate accelerated insanely, I couldn't finish most of the steps that involve jumping and I had to take few breaks in between. I might be unable to complete the 55 mins cardio workout, but this didn't undermine the fact that my stamina is slowly improving. 

With the mixed feeling of me failing to complete the cardio challenge and me actually had achieved a small improvement, I continued trying out the upper body workout challenge, which went pretty well! I decided to try completing the cardio workout at the day I tried out the full body workout challenge, but unsurprisingly failed because I couldn't even survive the 45 minutes full body workout challenge! 

Allow me to explain - the Day 6 full body challenge was made up of 2 crazily difficult workouts. The first 30 minutes full body workout was a record of Coffee Lam conducting a live stream workout. Probably excited to have someone to workout along with her, she was being unreasonably excited and accelerated her time counting! (It's actually immensely tough to even follow her normal time counting, so please imagine how deadly we are with her abnormally faster time counting... Girl you need to calm down) The latter 15 minutes full body video workout has an extremely high intensity level as the workout flow is designated to achieve a quick fat burning effect within a short interval, hence needless to say, it's full of jumping aka my nightmare! I vividly remember my first attempt of both videos - being out of breathe after few minutes. Therefore I didn't push myself hard and unexpectedly, I managed to complete the second video! 

The above well concluded me struggling with completing the advanced level of Coffee Lam's workout challenge but eventually failed. The experience of failure allowed me to understand my weakness in terms of mindset and physical ability. Being perfectionist, failure used to have traumatic impact on me and had stopped me from stepping out of my comfort zone. As time goes by, I realized failing always happen no matter how hard we attempted to avoid it. We gonna learn (forced) to embrace failure and recover from failure. 

Admitting my failure openly in my personal blog (although not known by many people hahaha) is one of my way to accept recover from my failure. The journey of building a healthy lifestyle through exercising is not ended (I haven't achieved body weight loss yet!), and I had customized a Coffee Lam's workout challenge for myself! It involves more cardio and full body workout as I still hope to get shredded. I am also planning to try other YouTubers' workout challenge, considering either Pamela's or Chloe Ting's.

- Wear black when you workout as it's a funeral for your fat -

Completed Coffee Lam’s intermediate level workout challenge

I couldn’t believe I survive it! Intermediate level workout plan did sound daunting, especially some of the videos would definitely not my pick if I am allowed to decide my workout routine. Nevertheless, the purpose of following a workout schedule is to try more varieties of workout at different fitness level. Repeating the same workout routine could cause our bodies to adapt to the stress over time and results in weight loss plateau. To yield more favourable workout performance, stepping out of my comfort zone is the key. Hence, I’m amazed at me being courageous to challenge the workout videos as I thought I would give up halfway! 

The following are the videos which I was afraid of but yet decided to give it a try last week: 

1. 12 min High Intense HIIT Workout 

I have 1 simple rule when deciding my workout video - whenever I see “intense” or “HIIT”, I ignore! (Probably one of reasons why I love Coffee Lam’s workout videos - lower intensity) HIIT workout experience could be unpleasant due to my low tolerance level and rapid heart rate. Besides, weak people like me hate jumping in workout. Therefore, when trying out this video, I tried not to force myself completing the workout perfectly and I realised that I couldn’t sustain the steps for an extended period of time. To improve my muscular tolerance, I would consider incorporating HIIT workout into my routine in future. 

2. THE BEST 10min PLANK WORKOUT for full body burning 

I never knew I could do plank because it sounds like only a shredded man can do it. After beginning home workout, I become more familiar with planking as most of the workout videos include plank exercises with variations. Plank is arguably one of the best fundamental exercises. Without moving much, plank engages our whole body and burn a lot of calories. Due to my weak core muscles, my first attempt for this plank workout video only lasted few minutes. This time, I tried watching Kpop performance videos while holding a plank to distract my attention and fight the idea to surrender. Not sure is my distraction technique working or my endurance level has improved - I completed the workout! This achievement was totally unexpected and I hope this is not something that only happened once. Keep improving!

3. 20min Slow Abs Workout Challenge

Building abs is one of the common goals for girls to workout. But not for me as I find abs workout hurts more than the other workouts and I dislike the abs muscle soreness after the workout. To get abs, it requires a combination of cardio and abs workout to lower fat percentage. Hence, it’s easier for me to see effects of workout on my other body parts, unfortunately not abs. Therefore, this slow abs workout challenge wouldn’t be my normal choice and personally I reckon slow workout is more challenging as it takes more effort to control my muscles. Anyway I still did it and I sweated so much without much movement and jumping. I assured you that it felt so good at the moment I completed the final step, but not when I was trying out the steps. Perhaps it’s time to not skip abs workout to train my core muscles. 

4. 15min Back Workout 

Back exercises do sound easier than the other workouts, yet underrated as girls tend to focus on body parts that provide the most obvious slimming results. Strengthening back muscles could prevent injuries and improve posture to make our appearance more attractive. Surprisingly I struggled a lot throughout the back workout, most likely because I always neglect my back during workout. Strengthening my back should become my workout goal in future too. 

5. Get the splits in one month 

You wouldn’t believe me screaming more while trying out this stretching video than the intense workout videos! I had a common myth where it’s impossible to get splits if we don’t start training from young. In fact, adults can stretch consistently to improve flexibility and get splits, provided that they are willing to put effort into it. Although getting splits is not my goal as of now, I do recognise the endless benefits of practicing splits. While watching the video, it looked like another stretching video to me until I really tried it — GOSH WHY HAMSTRINGS SO FREAKING TIGHT! My tight hamstrings had prevented me from completing the steps, and this would be something to improve gradually in future. 

Tomorrow onwards, I will start another round of Coffee Lam’s workout challenge at the advanced level! Let’s see if I could survive! Fighting! 

Completed Coffee Lam’s beginner level workout challenge

Small achievement today — I have completed Coffee Lam’s Workout Plan for beginner level! Coffee Lam is my favourite online fitness instructor and she has changed my perspective on workout. During my teenage years, I deemed exercising as a crucial self torturing activity to take off weight and maintain a lean body shape. However, Coffee Lam’s sharing of her body transformation experience has taught me that exercise isn’t meant to fix imperfections. Workout could be one of the best self care gifts to ourselves which leads to a more disciplined, healthier and happier life. 

I started home workout since MCO 1.0 and I usually picked the workout videos myself instead of adhering to a workout plan. Back then, picking up home workout as new habit was still an thrilling idea. A day without hearing Coffee Lam’s voice or touching the yoga mat would make me feel uneasy. My home workout routine was disrupted after I embarked upon my working adult journey. Working became the best excuse to skip workout — there are more relaxing and interesting pass time alternatives, especially when we were allowed to get out of our home! 

To stay active, I resorted to walking around my neighbourhood or park. Being outdoor is a more pleasant experience — I could enjoy fresh air, leafy park, breathtaking sky and the warmth of sunlight on my face. I never felt so alive and relaxing during the pandemic. I even participated in my firm’s KakiJalan contest to motivate myself to walk more!

However, the spiking Malaysia’s COVID cases had made appearing at public spaces a high risk activity, albeit the intention of me leaving my home is to exercise and build a healthy lifestyle. As we are back to a new version of lockdown (MCO has a new brother — FMCO!), home workout happens to be the best method to stay physically active. I reckon following a workout plan would be more motivating this round as I’m always overwhelmed by reluctance to workout when I was choosing workout video. Besides, a well structured training plan works out our different body parts on different day to avoid overtraining and provide better rest for our muscle. I’m used to incline to emphasise on full body and leg workout, which could be exhausting and demotivating if I am planning to incorporate  home workout into my routine. 

Hence, I decided to take Coffee Lam’s 2021 workout plan as a challenge during this FMCO. Her workout plan consists of 3 levels — beginner, intermediate and advanced. I kick started with the beginner level as I recognise that start small is the correct technique to build habit (Just like how I recently started writing short Chinese blog posts to resume blogging). In fact, the beginner level workout isn’t as easy as it sounds and has indeed made me sweat like crazy! 

In comparison with the other workout videos, the beginner level is less intense, involves lesser jumping and more detailed guidance (the more she explains, the more rest tome you get!). I have taken this opportunity to improve my breathing and correct my posture during exercise. Proper breathing and posture sound uncomplicated but they are actually essential in minimising injuries and muscle strains. Hopefully this helps when I challenge the advanced level. 

So new start for tomorrow — intermediate level! Never give up!

故事真的是纯属虚构吗？——《火神的眼泪》

第一次质疑影片开始前的“本故事纯属虚构，如有雷同纯属巧合”的声明，因为这部剧的故事太真实了。这不是部纯歌颂消防人员的英雄剧，更像是讲述了他们在职场上所遇到的困境和心酸。在第一集开头就是一场火灾，吃瓜观众一股劲在火灾现场充当内行指导消防人员怎样救火？这不都像极了我常在网络看到的键盘侠吗？我尊重言论自由也支持大家对于社会课题发表意见，但我觉得大家的言论至少是有建设性，乱骂或外行装内行真的是在帮倒忙。就如之前我国发生地铁列车相撞事件，看到网民在网上骂怎么受害者没戴好口罩，真的觉得过分了，发生意外的当下想必大家都是懵的，而且困在火车里也有可能面临缺氧，或因为恐慌而呼吸急促，相信他们也不希望自己染疫。他们在那个时间段出现在火车多数都是上班族，在疫情严重的时期冒着生命危险去上班，还倒霉遇到意外，怎么大家就不能有点同情心呢？在道德制高点指责他人也要酌情而定吧。

好，有点离题了，说回这部剧吧。令人惊喜的是，这部剧在短短十集里探讨了比消防人员的职责更广的议题——消防人员如何兼顾家庭、如何最大化地利用有限的公共资源、官商互相维护、救护人员面临创伤后遗症、职场上的性别歧视、父母不理性地紧张子女，连同志课题都有提到，仿佛同志就生活在我们身边，也是消防员拯救的对象之一。我喜欢台剧已经不再是我童年里认知的偶像剧而已，而是不断地尝试更广泛的题材，让大众对民生社会课题有更高的意识。我们常常批评市面上的作品，其实市场所提供的就是为了迎合我们的口味，虽然像《火神的眼泪》这类型的题材不好下饭，但如果大家都不爱看，我们以后只能无缘看到这样的好作品了。

这部剧最触动我的是小配角国胜学长的两句台词——“只有消防员死了他们才会重视”和“这是用义阳的血换回来的”。义阳是剧里不幸殉职的消防人员，在他殉职后消防人员装备有问题的情况才被重视。可悲的是，之前大家都很努力地争取预算，但被上层用各种理由拒绝或拖延，直到发生了悲剧，引起媒体关注才加速了批准预算的过程，所以才说是用他的血换回来的新装备。

这两句台词和我关注接种疫苗的新闻的感触是一致的——人都是不见棺材不落泪。不管你多努力地用数据来说服人民接种疫苗，都不够确诊、急诊和死亡人数来得有说服力。明明可以更有效地预防，但人就是要等到出事了才来着急（不过还是比出事了也不在乎的态度好）。更可悲的是，人是善忘的。我们会慢慢习惯了现状后把惨痛的教训抛诸脑后。就如黑格尔说，人类从历史学中学到的唯一教训，就是没有从历史中吸取到任何教训。网络普及后我们每日接触上万的资讯，热点新闻发酵一阵子后，又有多少人记得？

疫情爆发后，大家对前线人员的贡献与牺牲有了更深刻的体会，相信《火神的眼泪》的导演也希望通过这部剧能让大众了解消防人员的辛苦，对在前线奋斗的人有同理心。比意外更可怕的，是刁民。所以我们能做的，就是心怀感恩和做好自己的本分。我心目中的美好社会，大家都不需要有伟大的贡献，而是做好自己的本分足矣。

P.S.

《火神的眼泪》主题曲《因为是你 Just Stay With Me》是韦礼安唱的！很好听！还有发现虽然我看的台剧不多，但我看的剧都刚好有温升豪诶——《我们与恶的距离》、《俗女养成记》和这部！

原来我们的生活，也可以是轻松欢乐的喜剧 —— 《俗女养成记》

一开始片名和豆瓣上的超高分让我感觉这是部爱讲大道理的励志女性成长剧或让女生恐婚的丧剧，看到它被标签为喜剧也是将信将疑，想着反正就十集，如果在工作日看一部太多集的剧又怕不小心废寝忘食地看而影响工作，就随意点开看看。

没、想、到！这部真的真的是部让我笑到像颠婆的喜剧哈哈哈哈哈哈哈！没有任何的大道理！就是很戏剧化地呈现了我们的生活琐碎片段，连婆媳问题都有，但它就是很好笑！！！也很真实感人。不熟悉闽南语的我竟然听着方言找回了我们在成长中无意丢失的东西。方言虽粗俗但是包含了我们文化的精髓，这部台剧如此接地气的部分原因也是因为演员都用台语对话，真的让我感觉自己此刻不在钢骨水泥的城市，而是在生活简单又平静的乡下（真的好想去旅行！）。

我最喜欢《俗女养成记》很真实地呈现了女性在这父权社会下的样子。每个配角都让我引起共鸣，爱斗嘴互相嫌弃的公公婆婆，因憨厚老实而吃亏又怕老婆的爸爸，爱唠叨又总是任劳任怨的妈妈，忧愁你嫁不出去的三姑六婆，爱攀比的大人们，不就是生活在我们身边的叔叔阿姨的缩影吗哈哈哈哈！看完这充满鸡毛蒜皮的剧竟然莫名被治愈。生活本来就是这样，从来都是一地鸡毛，没有《三十而已》那么狗血，也不可能像偶像剧里那么浪漫（除非你有钱！）。

真正的英雄主义，是看清生活的真相后依然热爱它。

P.S.如果硬要说这部剧有讲述什么人生大道理，就是结局里俗女的一段独白吧！

又刷了部好剧 ——《棋魂》

没想到我竟然也会迷上青春漫改剧！虽然正值青春年华，但我对青春校园剧真的完全不感冒，尤其是看到成年演员扮演中学生实在是令我观感不适。感恩《棋魂》里的角色都是由适龄演员扮演，让观众比较容易有代入感。

胡先煦饰演的时光真的像极了曾经青涩的我们，有梦想但常常三分钟热度，遇到困难会自暴自弃但最终会战胜困难，和朋友总爱嬉笑打闹但关键时刻总会挺身而出，想独立却不知自己很依赖妈妈，最终长大了才发现原来很多事情一旦错过就不再。一开始我以为男主角拿到的是一路开挂的围棋天才剧本，没想到这是部每个角色一起成长的故事，大家对围棋的热枕唤起了昔日在社团和战友共同进退的日子，曾经的青春回忆啊。最喜欢等片尾曲响起，我鸡皮疙瘩都起来了，似乎在我如一潭死水的平静生活乏起了一阵涟漪。

我觉得这部剧最精彩的部分就是群像戏。我们都知道主角一定会披荆斩棘成为最终boss，但现实生活中的我们都只是平平无奇的存在，不得不为五斗米折腰。我们就像是剧里的何嘉嘉，龙彦，棋盘厂的员工，兰因寺的师父，他们无法像褚嬴心无旁骛地过围棋人生，但他们过的是有围棋的人生。可以在人生找到自己所热爱的，也是一种幸福。

剧中最劝退的应该是褚嬴的造型，我个人最不能理解他的眼妆，但演员张超对于这位棋痴的演绎真的很好！他消失后的几集比我看过爱情剧里的分手戏催泪多了。很喜欢褚嬴在消失前的那场独戏，这部剧还是原音演出，证明演员的台词能力真的很好！

“有的人循规蹈矩

有的人离经叛道

有的人悬崖勒马，为自己下出乾坤逆转

有的人却为别人做活一片青天

有的人即便曲折，终会拨云见日

还有的却无悔于人生

有的人十年落拓，初衷不改

还有的人志在远方，匠心不变

有的人参透世间万物

有的人悟尽人生几何

有的人他为冠军而生

还有的人会被众多人铭记

有的人壶中藏日月

有的人袖里能定乾坤

有的人，春风桃李，俯首甘为火种

有的人浪子回头，成为星河里最亮一颗

有的人，高山流水，凌云揽胜，一生只为一盘棋

而有的人，冥冥之中只为你而存在，正在上天，为你选中的对手

有的人是你的开心果，是你的催泪弹，是你牵肠挂肚的小欢喜，是你割舍不下的小业障，更是你三十修来的福分，换来这一段相识，相伴，形影不离”

愿在现实生活中磕磕绊绊的我们也加油！相信时光会把你雕刻成，你应有的样子。

我应该要瞎了

我竟然在四天内看完了两部36集的戏，也就是说平均一天看18集的戏？我也被自己震惊了🤯这就是把时间利用得最大化吗，看来我要在FMCO精益求精了

话说《山河令》和《御赐小仵作》真的好看啊！前者是我看的第一部耽改剧，我发现没有一个拖后腿的女主真的太棒了！每天陪我妈看大陆剧都好奇是否现实中有那么多莫名其妙的女生？还是我才是那奇葩哈哈哈！可能是我期望过高，后面几集的节奏确实让人觉得失望，无望超越《琅琊榜》在我心目中的地位，但整体而言瑕不掩瑜，不妨碍我磕双男主，主题曲也好听！

后者真的是难得有种智商被尊重的感觉！小成本但无碍它编剧大大的诚意，难怪老邪已经出了三期来安利大家。这剧里的主角都是很认真的打工人，没有工业发糖但我还是有被甜到了！整体故事逻辑缜密，虽然有些悬念被提早揭晓但并不妨碍故事的精彩程度，TVB有些戏一旦揭晓了悬念就不好看了，可是彰显了编剧的功力？其实我觉得这是部好剧，但如果真的要说出彩，可能真的就是全靠同行衬托吧。

本来之前有看《逆天奇案》，但可能我也对TVB的警匪片审美疲劳了，尤其硬捧某女演员的吃香挺难看的，转而看了很多部电影后就发疯地追其它戏。好久没有煲剧煲得如此过瘾了！虽然感觉很不健康哈哈

P.S.

可能就是因为太多我这样的人，所以眼镜店都允许在FMCO开店吧哈哈哈

本来要post面子书，临时退缩了，这年头，做对的事情也是很怕被讨伐

 【我打了阿康利斯疫苗】#cucukMYAZ

决定写这个post是因为我自愿打了这个大家闻风丧胆的阿康利斯疫苗（AstraZeneca）后的竟然没、有、任、何、副、作、用！网上疯传很多打疫苗后的可怕后遗症，甚至死亡，所以我想说可以分享我比较特殊的经历，为你在决定打疫苗与否提供一个real life example。

是的，从星期六（5月15日）中午接种至今，我没有发烧、呕吐、疲累、头疼、发冷，连打了疫苗的手臂都没有谣传中的酸痛。我打完疫苗后的隔天还去公园跑步，心跳率正常。

我知道，是很幸运的少数。至于有没有血栓，需要多几个月的观察才知道。如果我幸运过头中血栓，我一定会向大家征求TOTO四个号码的建议。

1. Cheh，一定是我年轻体质好才没事。

我不觉得年龄有任何优势，这个疫苗证实是对年轻人有比较高的风险，尤其是像我这样年轻bok bok chui的年轻女孩。我也有认识的朋友，比我年轻但也是有副作用，不过大家目前都健健康康的~多数的副作用是短暂的，多休息、吃panadol就好了。至于体质好不好，我是个长期坐在电脑面前的OL，没有腹肌、cardio workout永远做不完、有熬夜、吃零食、爱喝奶茶，我妈不觉得我很健康哈哈哈。所以，我觉得我有点幸运吧。

2. 既然风险高，为什么我要冒险？

马来西亚接种的速度和防疫的有效程度，我相信大家都是心知肚明。四不像的MCO、ICU病床使用率已经超过80%、听见救护车笛声已成日常、听到身边有人确诊或成为close contact都已经bo rasa了。我很怕，我不知道可以做什么来保护自己和我的爱人，我只知道中COVID的话中血栓是16.5%️，打AZ中血栓的机会是0.0004%。你可以说，各个数据累计时间不长，官方在误导大众，需要时间观察。但难道因中COVID而死亡、进ICU或患有血栓的人还不够多吗？那些不是数字，是赤裸裸的生命，某人的父母、孩子、亲人。既然有人怕，我明白，所以我不鼓吹你打疫苗，我自己冒这个险。

3. 打AZ风险那么高，不怕meh？

怕啦！怕到要死！我犹豫了很久，不懂要不要hantar我的登记资料，天天读那那些疫苗的负面新闻，哪里可能不怕。但我知道这是不理性的恐惧。其实打哪个牌子的疫苗都是一样都风险的，我也有看到我曾经觉得最安全和有效的Pfizer也有死亡案例。而且以目前COVID日益严峻的状况，疫苗供不应求，本来Phase 3应该这个月头开始，到现在了无音讯。The best vaccine is the first one that is available for you。AZ是我目前唯一的选择，所以我打了。

4. 只要乖乖跟着SOP就不会中了，为什么要冒险打疫苗？

我曾经也是这样想，尤其我work from home，根本不会有很大的风险。但已经说了，现在COVID真的越来越严重，我看到很多确诊者分享自己乖乖在家却中，不然就是不懂在哪里中。如果要把大家继续关下去，要关多久？打疫苗是有风险，但是我觉得利大于弊。打了疫苗就有更好的保护效果，而且只有我们每个人都打了才能达到集体免疫。我也是社会的一份子，我很希望恢复正常的生活，就当作我冒险为我们迈向集体免疫踏出一小步吧。

写这么长不是为了任何疫苗公司背书，也没有鼓吹什么，只是真心希望大家在选择要不要打疫苗时，是根据事实和数据而做出判断。新闻有很多不同声音，要自己过滤，我的经验可能是少数，但我相信我们都希望日子恢复正常，可以见想见的人。

这条路很漫长，但我们做得到的。

Im Alteryx Designer Core certified!

Alteryx is an ETL tool which simplifies the data wrangling, blending and modeling process. Due to the nature of my work as an IT business analyst, I started to learn the Designer few months ago and my first priority was to pass the Core exam.

Unlike the other programming language, Alteryx provides a more simplistic workflow based environment, with no coding requirements. I can create a custom workflow by merely dragging and dropping the tools, which represent line of codes in other software. Hence, it is less overwhelming for an IT novice as compared to looking at the coding script.

A sample workflow - you can actually visualize each process too

Coming into Alteryx from a non technology background, I admit that initally I was reluctant to give it a try as the skills and knowledge were beyond my comfort zone. The most struggling part is to familiarize myself with the data science terminologies and learn how to think like a programmer whilst I was trained to have an accountant mindset for the past few years. However, a data automation project had pushed me into picking up Alteryx as I had to get my work done to get paid! 

While working on the project, I began my learning journey by attending a data analytics course offered by my employer and also joining the Alteryx online course. The steep learning curve was absolutely intimidating, especially when you were acquiring an entirely new knowledge. (I miss IFRS when learning Alteryx!) 

Being impatient, I attempted the exam without going through all Interactive Lessons. Although it's an open book test with multiple choice questions, the questions are more tricky than expected, including practical questions which require candidates to build workflow. Furthermore, the 2 hour time allocated is insufficient if you aren't well prepared. 

I failed. Not surprising.

The failure experience was actually discouraging, and the self study route was torturing and lonely. I constantly reminded myself that I couldn't give up, getting certified is part of my job requirements and I can (must) do this! I was very eager to go for a second attempt to quickly pass the exam, but Alteryx sets a policy of a cooling period of 7 days to re-attempt the exam. Although I was annoyed at this policy, I do agree that a cooling period was much needed for me to reflect on my mistakes and spend more time practicing. Haste brings no success in arriving.

I love how they provide us a detailed breakdown on our exam results - it is encouraging to know my strengths, and it also informs me on my weaknesses, which I can work on to improve in next attempt 

Thanks to the "mock exam" experience, I started to not treat this free certification lightly and put in more effort to learn - not solely toon pass the exam, but also to upskill my data analytics knowledge. Apart from completing the Interactive Lessons in Alteryx Community, I started practicing the tools covered in the exam by referring to the One Tool Examples within Designer or visiting the Tool Mastery Index on Community. I found out that the Alteryx Documentation was extremely useful as I learn well by reading or writing, but not listening (I wish Alteryx provides subtitles to their videos!). My experience of failing the exam had also taught me an important lesson - stay calm during the exam - time limit could be daunting, but staying calm under time stress could ensure clarity of mind to pick the correct answer.

Self learning was painful, but all sufferings had their reward. At forth attempt, I finally passed the exam! When the results screen popped out, I felt a sense of relief - no more stress of failing the exam! Obtaining this cert is a recognition of my effort in improving my tech-savvy skills. Also, it spells completion of an individual goal set for my career! 

Fun fact: I passed the exam during 2021 Valentine's day! Best Valentine's gift ever although it's not from my Valentine

片刻，永恆

剛剛看回了以前的舊照，猛然意識到真的回不去了。我每次都告訴自己，離別後總會相逢，甚至很慶幸自己還能和很多昔日好友保持聯繫。但曾經一起經歷的歲月，猶如一去不回頭的青春小鳥，好似就不會再回來了。

曾經抗拒拍照的我，開始很慶幸當初遇見了愛拍照的朋友，從而定格美好的瞬間。我也從一個笑容生硬尷尬的小女孩，到可以由衷地從心底微笑。回顧過往的回憶，不禁為自己的幼稚和莫名的執念感到可笑，也許應對了今日與朋友所聊的話題。

“當你正在經歷時，你會放大一切的情緒，但時間會沖淡一切。過去，成就了現在。是片刻，成了永恆。”

謝謝那些留在我生命的人，也謝謝那些已經離開的人。感恩所擁有，懷抱過去，展望未來，一步一腳印，走下去。

I got a free iPad!

Yes, you didn't read the title wrongly. I had received an Apple iPad 10.2 inch (32 GB) WiFi for free after activating my newly approved credit card! Few months ago, I had submitted my credit card application through CompareHero.my during the Flash Deal period, where successful applicants stand a chance to win an iPad.

First Apple product in my life!

Unlike the traditional method of applying credit card through a sales person when you're wandering around a mall, the online application process is more straightforward and efficient, with lesser paperwork. As an introvert, I prefer the method which eliminates the needs to deal with hard selling sales person. I was required to fill in personal information through webform at CompareHero.my, which subsequently redirected me to the bank website to fill in more details. Within few working days, I received call from the bank to verify my information and request for supporting documents, to be sent via email.

After approximately one month, my application was successfully approved and the card was sent to my home. Unexpectedly, I was informed by CompareHero.my that I am eligible to claim a retractable folding fan as free gift. The required action was to provide my delivery details to CompareHero.my. The fan was delivered to me after one month and I really like it! 

Again, after approximately another month, CompareHero.my emailed to congratulate me on winning an iPad! Instead of responding to the good news ecstatically, I immensely suspected the authenticity of the email as I was aware that scammers are using increasingly sophisticated tactics and the"durian runtuh" sounded pretty dodgy. I was also warned by my family and boyfriend on the possibility of me being scammed. 

Hence, I decided to perform verification on the authenticity of the email. The action required in order to claim the free iPad stated in the email was highly similar with the instructions to claim my free fan. Also, I called CompareHero.my to confirm the fact that I am the winner of Flash Deal. Even by doing so, I chose not to put high hopes on getting the free iPad, until I received call from logistics company to collect my iPad! The process of collecting iPad from delivery man to unboxing it was exceptionally thrilling and memorable.

Buying a tablet has been always on my wish list, yet I was reluctant to spend on it and decided to prioritize other spendings. Receiving a new tablet for free has saved me a fortune, not to mention iPad is much more costly than any other tablet brands. Besides, it has resolved the problem of me unable to install work related apps in my phone as the device is not supported. Now, I can easily access my work emails, chats and documents through my iPad! I can work from anywhere by carrying the lightweight iPad, which saved myself the hassle. Furthermore, it is worth mentioning that my reading time has increased after having an iPad as the experience of reading from a larger screen is more decent. Thus, I am sincerely grateful to win the free iPad! 

Passed my probation without working at office

After landing my dream job at one of the big 4 accounting firms, completing my probationary period has become my very first challenge. Since I quit my previous job before I was confirmed by my ex employer, I had no experience in becoming a permanent staff in any firm. I was looking forward to be confirmed in my current role in order to enjoy the staff benefits and claim reimbursements for professional accountancy body's membership fees, which cost me a fortune.

Probationary period serves as a trial period in both ways: me getting to know my employer and they getting to know me. This "get-to-know" process became tougher due to work-from-home arrangement. Besides getting my laptop on my first day, I have not been to my office, not to mention meeting and working with my colleagues physically. Although working from home has become less uncommon and it's the safest method during the coronavirus pandemic outbreak, it still comes with challenges, especially for new joiners who are unfamiliar with the new job scope and work culture. 

Thankfully, my similar remote working experience when I was in a student organization had contributed to a smooth transition to my new job. It just felt like joining another organization where I had to explore new office tools and technology solutions, and the significant difference is, I'm getting paid! Kudos to my team which is digitally capable to leverage on work from home technology which I believe had minimized communication breakdown. I love the culture which encourages the usage of work messaging app to draw a clearer boundary between work and personal life. The most frequent messages I received from my one and only work related Whatsapp group are birthday wishes. It might sound like a sign of being left out, but I would rather not suffer the anxiety of bombarded with whatsapp notification outside work hours. 

My first project was an entirely new experience, memorable yet daunting to a new joiner. Unlike my previous work experience, I wasn't paired with any seniors! Despite adequate guidance from my superior who is approachable, I would definitely prefer to have someone to rely upon. Working without senior has trained me to stand on my own feet and work independently, which I believe it's an important trait in the virtual work environment. 

The most demanding part for my first project was pitching session with potential client. As a junior, I didn't expect to participate in such important session. My nervousness had negatively affected my performance. I was prepared to be condemned by my superior, but surprisingly he didn't. Instead, he pointed out areas of improvement and encouraged me to learn from mistakes.  

Looking back, my first project was indeed a steep learning curve, which prepared me better for my subsequent projects. There are few upcoming demo sessions with potential client within these few weeks, yet I'm not as nervous as before. Instead of over worrying on my performance, I concentrate on my work to prepare myself better for the demo session. I have also understood that our service is not regarded as essential like audit or tax filing, hence the process of looking out and selling to potential client is never ending. This would definitely involves countless rejection and failure but it does not mean the end of the road. Their rejection is a necessary path for us to learn and refine our solution. 

After completing my first project, I'm slowly assigned to more new projects. Although it indicates increased workload, I'm happy to have more things on my plate as I could gain new learning experience and provide valuable contribution to my team. What makes me more excited is I'm paired with senior associates now! They're very humble and willing to guide, but sadly, remote working arrangement has limited my opportunities to learn by watching others do. Hence, I try my best to catch on any opportunity to assist my senior, and also join discussion session to observe how they complete their deliverables.

In short, I'm satisfied and grateful with my current role. There might be better opportunities in other firms, but I would prefer to settle down, gain more fruitful experience and build my technical capabilities. Although I enjoy working from home a lot, it's undeniable that such arrangement brings along some pitfalls. My work experience is constrained by sitting in front of the laptop and facing the screen. I missed out annual dinner, CNY house opening session, company trip and hangout session with colleagues. Learning experience is important for work, but having a well-rounded life should be our priority. 

Looking forward to work in a world without COVID-19, at the same time enjoying the perks of working from home! 

Wrapping Up Year 2020 - An Unprecedented Year (Part 2)

 6. Cooking

Everyone can become a master chef during lockdown. I've always wanted to improve my cooking skills and cook delicious dishes for my family. I perceive cooking as an important life skill alongside driving. Therefore, I've jumped on the bandwagon of cooking during the lockdown. I find cooking surprisingly therapeutic and satisfying. Because of cooking, my lockdown life is beyond watching dramas and wasting time on social media. 

To avoid boredom, I've been trying out different recipes, whilst improving my fundamental cooking techniques. In fact, research has proved that people who spend time on creative goals live happier, and cooking something new is counted as an act of creativity! The theory of "practice makes perfect" applies to cooking too. After months of practicing during lockdown, I can now prepare my lunch efficiently while working from home without resulting in any disruption to my work. Some might find cooking during working days a daunting task, but I treat the routine of lunch preparation as a reminder to take a break from my laptop. Furthermore, regular preparation of home cooked meals has increased my awareness on consuming healthy food. You are what you eat.

7. Baking

Unlike cooking, it's harder for a beginner to start baking. Baking requires strict adherence to a correct recipe and different set of equipments and tools from cooking. The risk of failure is higher for baking because it is dependent on a lot more variables than cooking, such as measurement, heating time, temperature and ingredients. Most importantly, cooking is essential but baking isn't. Having cake as teatime increases calories consumption!

I started using air fryer to bake a proper cake after encouraged by my friend. She was persuading me how easy baking burnt cheesecake is and the chance of failing is extremely low even for first time baker. My first attempt turned out to be a successful one, which I would like to attribute the success to my chef boyfriend who guided me well (at the same time, he teased me together with my brother... Well...). The positive comments had built my confidence to bake, yet I realized the limitations of baking by using air fryer. The end product of an air fryer couldn't achieve the texture of end product baked using oven. Hence, I am planning to get an oven this year!

8. Playing Mahjong 

Since young, my parents always brought me along when they visited my relative's home to play mahjong. I remember vividly that I used to help them arranging the mahjong and counting monies (I'm well trained to count monies since a kid). Sadly, my father doesn't allow me to play mahjong and sets the rules that I can only play after I start working (I'm lazy to challenge the illogical reason behind this). 

Finally last year, my relatives and mum welcomed me to join them and play mahjong! Before this, I had secretly played mahjong with my friends, yet the experience of playing mahjong with my parents is totally different. Mahjong actually brings me and my family (and my bf's family) closer! My parents were more chilled and cheerful while playing mahjong, and I'm more than happy to spend time bringing joy to them, and also to my aunt who had lost her husband while all her kids are working in Singapore now. 

9. Part Time Job 

My firm has given us a one week break by end of the year, and I decided to sign myself up for a part time job. I had worked as part time sales promoter few years before, and I am attracted to the job now because it requires low commitment and guarantees fast money. I'm paid a reasonable daily basic salary with commission and incentives. The con of this job is the pressure to hit sales target, especially during this pandemic where the foot traffic to shopping mall has reduced.

Apart from fearing the possibility of getting infected with COVID-19, the part time job experience for few days had added spice to my life. Travel restrictions and working from home had resulted in an unalterable and boring life even though my schedule is full with tasks and pastimes. I don't mind to stick to my daily routine, but I would yearn for something outside the norm to happen occasionally. I had taken the opportunity to meet some of my friends who stay nearby the mall, whilst having fun to chat with another part timer. I also spent time to observe the world with my eyes, not through the social media. I understand that these small pleasures would expose me and my family to the risk of infecting COVID-19, hence I had shortened my part time working days to only 4 days, although it means lesser side income.

10. Blogging

When I started blogging 10 years ago, I never thought of the purpose of blogging. I created a blog just to follow the trend, but now I don't think my friends still update their blogs. I didn't intend to write any posts to attract traffic or readers. This blog is more like a personal platform to express my emotions and journal my life. 

After working, I had decided to make my blog as a platform to practice writing and articulate my thoughts. The girl who used to write stupid blog posts and throw shade at someone had grown up. She no longer has to submit english essays to her teacher (Nightmare! I really hate English!), but there is a need for her to improve her English continuously. 

In short, my blog posts is highly to be a summary or reflection of each stage of my life, so the length of the post would be longer and more time consuming. Now, if I feel like sharing any stupid or emotional thoughts, I could've reached out to my boyfriend or friends. Besides, I have started writing my feelings or interesting things that worth remembering in my journal now. 

Although I have changed my blogging style, I would remain the tradition of writing an annual review of my life, as like this post. 2020 has been unprecedented and worrying, which I believe same would happen to 2021, but life goes on. Besides building resilience and embracing the new norm, we couldn't do much to stop COVID-19 from spreading, as it isn't within our control. 

Hence, I have been reminding myself to put more time and energy into things we can control, such as lifestyle, mindset and routine. 2021 has started 2 weeks and I had started a new habit to drink honey and eat vitamin C every morning. Hopefully when I'm writing my annual review for 2021, I have developed more healthy habits with increased happiness in my life!

"The challenge is not to be perfect, is to be whole."

Wrapping Up Year 2020 - An Unprecedented Year (Part 1)

It's unbelievable that how quickly 2020 has flown by. In just few months, much of our way of life has changed due to the COVID-19 pandemic. Like it or not, mask-wearing, social distancing and travel restrictions have become an inevitable part of our daily life. Everyone keep saying that 2020 was the worst year (Judging from the way 2021 started, 2021 might be worse than 2020), however the eventful year shouldn't be an excuse to stop enjoying life and improving ourselves. Upon a late reflection on my year of 2020, I observe a handful of changes and milestones during the year which are worth remembering.

1. Graduation

I graduated from university and earned my Bachelor's degree in the midst of pandemic. The lockdown happened after the day I played sports with my classmates. We neither get a chance to say a proper goodbye, nor embrace the end of student life memorably. Nevertheless, I am grateful that the pandemic only happened at the very end of my university life. Throughout these three-years of my degree, my classmates and I had built friendship and created precious bittersweet memories together. Although I favor the flexibility of online learning, the human interactions in traditional classes are irreplaceable, especially the "lepak" and "makan" sessions after classes which made my university life more complete. Many are disappointed at their graduation without the ceremony and celebration, but I find that making the most of my time at university places greater significance over attending the ceremony. Graduation does not mean cutting ties with my university mates. All of us would move on and pursue our new life, but our memories never fade, true friendship never end. 

2. Job Hunting

Graduating is both scary and exciting. On one hand, it's a major milestone signifying achievements, hard work and the start of a new chapter. On the flip side, graduating is equivalent to the beginning of adulthood which is filled with uncertainties and responsibilities. Graduating in the pandemic-riddled world increase the difficulties faced by the class of 2020 in their job hunting process - changing business climate, fragile economy, political instability and tough job market. 

I am fortunate to graduate at the point of time where the lockdown was gradually lifted and the government had rolled out strategies to boost economy recovery. Hence, I had successfully secured a job in one of the Big 4 accounting firms within one month after my graduation. Unfortunately, this first job of mine did not meet my expectations in the aspects of job responsibilities, career prospects and work environment. My challenging job hunting journey continued until I received offer for my current job. Job switching was again filled with unpredictability, seeing the third wave of COVID-19 outbreak began. My anxiety only ended when I finally collected my company laptop!

3. Working

The transition from a student to a working adult is a big deal as it is not only about adapting to work life, but also surviving the "real world". Work is different from school - in workforce, failing to meet your job responsibilities spells more serious and immediate consequences. Our boss is not obliged to pay us just because we are hired. Instead we only deserve the paycheck and promotions by becoming the value contributor to the company.

Thankfully, my experience in extra curricular activities, part time job and internship had contributed to my smooth transition from collegiate life to working professional life. Even the awful experience and painful life lesson learnt from my first job had prepared me to handle my current job responsibilities better. As an entry-level staff, my job performance has met the expectations, but I know that I have to always keep improving and upskilling. There is still long way to go - I am a work in progress.

4. Driving

The most exciting thing happened during my adulthood is buying a new car and started driving! Despite getting my driving license few years ago, I didn't drive for years as I didn't have a car and my plea to have a car had fallen on deaf ears. I opine that driving signifies independence, freedom and convenience, which is incomparable to the options of calling grab and taking public transportation. Especially now with pandemic, I feel more comfortable to have car as my personal space, rather than sharing public space. My parents can now care less about one thing, in exchange I could run errands for them and drive my siblings. 

Although owning new car comes with monthly commitment and car related expenses, I find the benefits of gaining a lifelong skill outweighing the costs. My parents have started to view me more of a responsible young adult, rather than a kid who's always trying hard to fit into their schedule for a ride. I can enjoy impromptu hangout with friends or travel without worrying much about the Grab fare and time arrangements. Besides, I have learned to plan our expenses properly to ensure that I could meet my monthly commitment while achieve other financial goals.

5. Becoming ACCA Affiliate 

Honestly, the excitement of passing all ACCA examinations on first attempt and becoming ACCA affiliate didn't last long. I am more relieved at the fact that I don't have to waste money to resit any papers. The idea of no longer have to deal with exam pressure is more thrilling! Besides, getting the affiliate title means an increase in annual subscription fees. Luckily, one of the perks of working in Big 4 accounting firms is the eligiblity to claim annual subscription fees for our professional membership. 

As I have ventured into a non-accounting pathway, I've been reflecting on my choice of gaining an ACCA membership, which has cost a fortune. Back then, I was given a misconception that having a professional qualification would be equivalent to a high pay job, which turned out to be partially untrue. My pay is on par with the market rate, but some of my peers in other industries without professional qualifications are making more money.

Nevertheless, I should view my professional qualification beyond the monetary returns. Gaining knowledge is what makes my professional qualification valuable, alongside with my work experience and other must-have skills. Instead of being short-termism, I should look into the long term potential career progression and increment. The job market is getting increasingly competitive and earning the title of ACCA Affiliate is no longer sufficient. Lifelong learning and upskilling is crucial.