Sorry for being so negative

Staying at home for three days and I never so desire to go back to hostel. Obviously the reason is because my dad couldn't sleep well and he didn't go to work. This sounds bad but I'm just gonna face my true feeling. Getting tired of being wake up for nothing, can't do my work properly because need to follow their always changing schedule according to my dad's mood, face all the negativity in the early morning, always listen to complaints about my siblings like I'm the root cause of their actions.

Yeah I know, I know they're my family, I know they raised me up, I know. I know. I've been growing up with all these ..... non sense? Stop please. Concealing my true feelings couldn't help anymore now. Yeah because I'm a grown up now. Like the Chinese saying, my wings getting harder, just try your best to accuse me. I'm getting used to it ady.

The question I afraid my colleagues ask about is, why don't you stay with your parents? Where should I start to answer them? I really appreciate Jinyi's effort in trying to tell me, that there's no family who don't fight or argue or hate each other.

But what if it's not about fighting? It's about feeling uncomfortable, getting yell or shout, always being forced to go or do sth I don't want to, feel being not respected (wah you wanna ask for respect in Asian Family? DAY DREAMING)...

Anyway, just wanna rant before I start crying in front of them. What makes me feel bad is, I love them. And I know they love each other too, but just.... they hurt us the most too.

Complicated kan?

P.S.
Wow can't believe I'm excited to see client's face tmr morning GG

Intern小记9

Okay I guess I should update more because I'm going to end my internship soon and there'll be no more internship related post haha. But my friend said can't even understand what's my job scope or role through reading my blog post. Because I wrote random feelings or stuffs rather than what I did during my internship. It's blog post, not intern report. And I'm always random haha.

This week wasn't as bad as expected. Maybe I'm getting used to send emails, trying to explain the defects with my clumsy English (gotta work hard to improve my language!)

Guess what, Aidan praised me! That was so unexpected! Because I always very ganjiong when reporting to him, and I stammered a lot cries.

Let's have an overview on CY's last third week:
Monday -  sneaked into UAT sign off to geh po wakaka. Clearing defect wasn't smooth because the system was naughty amboi. Had a bad lunch but got to eat delicious Thai food for dinner with Daniel! Thanks for fetching me to the nearest train station hehe.
Tuesday - first time dealing directly with Fathiah omg was so scared and completed a task in the morning which ended up useless due to some changes. Malvin was so funny while introducing me the books he like lol. Managed to leave on time and have nice steamboat dinner with boyfriend who always tolerate and love me unconditionally. Steamboat da best during rainy day!
Wednesday - I managed to control myself from having Llao Llao and Koi! Besides finally settle the defect which had been dragged since last Friday! First time in my life received an email in high importance xia scare af leh. The chao gui diao was nice although got tauge haha
Thursday - the team (including Aidan and Daphnee omg paiseh af) waited for me because clumsy CY forgot to bring her pass gg. The KFC is really nice although unhealthy. Had tealive for only 2 bucks~
Friday - the senior manager belanja me Starbucks and we got to leave on time! (er is early lah haha) Got my evaluation form from Aidan :)

I'm unsure whether things are getting better (lol since when it's good?) or my mood is not affected by hormone anymore (the reason of last week's mood swing had been verified due to hormone), I was quite happy and tired at the same time. Am I happy because I'm going to out of this shit (eh language girl)? But I don't feel like going back to study haih.

P.S.
This post is detailed and lengthy because I'm bored while waiting for my mum to pick me from LRT zzzz..... It's been half an hour....

Life goal?

Hilmy shared with me his life goal today. His goal is so clear and he has plans to achieve it.

Gosh, I don't know what my life goal is. Problem with Chinese school kid like me is, I kiasu. Takkan people got life goal but I don't have one haha.

Can my life goal just to be happy and contented throughout my life? Sounds like a kid tho. Haha.


Maybe I should've think about this seriously.

Nah, I should sleep. It's ady 3AM haha.

My recent pet phrase: Time flies.

Was reading my previous blog posts and noticed I didn't do a summary for year 2018. Guess I was extremely tied up. Shouldn't break the tradition of summarizing every year to record the moments in my life. Let's try to write my first summary post in English! Have decided to express myself more in English to improve my language.

Internship
One word to describe my internship - "unexpected".

Getting my internship offer was unexpectedly fast. Received phone call in less than 24 hours after submitting my CV. I was so stubborn and decided not to submit through uncle or my connection just to prove that I am capable enough (childish intention). Didn't get my first choice but ended up spending my whole internship in a project which is under Advisory Department (not complaining). The project is very interesting, eye opening and challenging as it is an entirely new concept, which might be the future of digitalisation?

Was lost and scared when I first joined the team. Can't forget the moment when I found out my name wasn't registered in the system but I didn't know who to ask for help. Prianka was my life savior! Nobody on boarded me, had no choice but forced to learn swimming myself to barely survive. I am grateful that I am very lucky because nothing bad had happened to me (stuck at lobby and no air cond are considered as fine as compared to others' experience), and we got more seniors joining the team and provided better guidance. Tried drinking beer for the first time in my life. Played games and talked shit during work. Been treating myself so good by having nice food (but no more kfry pls).

13 weeks have passed extremely fast and I have settled my evaluation forms and intern report. Still drafting my farewell email (I'm really bad at writing emails). Mixed feelings but I think it's time to prepare to go back to uni!

The pro of having internship in the midst of studying is you get to know your area of improvement and still got time to improve yourself before starting your career (a.k.a. get into jail). Let's see whether CY will become a better one after one year!

好 我不是一个坚持的人 我还是写华语好了哈哈
ACS
不知道多少次我后悔了当初去选主席这个决定
尤其是每次为了无谓的事情争吵时 心累啊
但不可否认自己成长了很多 也意识到自己的缺点
带领一群性格不同的人真的不易
对他们七个人也是又爱又恨
爱Ray疯狂又有创意的idea 恨他last min和爱理不理 但他回来了 我真的很开心!
认识了很多朋友 尤其感激那些赏脸参加我们活动的
一切美好的苦涩的 终究会成为回忆
最大的遗憾就是缺席了卸任的AGM 没有做到有始有终

好 写写下就懒惰了哈哈哈
就此搁笔 看几时坐火车有mood再写

P.S.
今年是多事之秋啊
我只希望爸爸早日可以找到稳定的工作
不用那么辛苦 如果找不到的话就希望他生意兴隆? 哈哈
妈妈的身体健健康康 不要胡思乱想
妹妹SPM过关 顺顺利利 不要fail
我弟就... 自生自灭吧哈哈哈（我知道他可以的）
我家肥仔不要乱花钱（好啦他进步很多了）

至于我自己嘛 我向来只相信靠自己哈哈哈
身边的人好 我就好呗

好啦 真的搁笔啦 拜

Intern小记8

My plan was to leave office at 6.30P.M. THEN? THEN? THEN?

A phone call changed everything. Jinyi was informed that she's going to roll off this project. Today was her last day. And everyone was informed just now, literally 6 sth? Omg.. Even Aidan wasn't infomed about it at all?

Was shocked because it affected my plan! I was planning to ask Kristen to request me to work with her. Although I don't really like the team members, but I like working with her, and is tired with the current team lead of my team. I don't want to OT a lot too urgh. I don't mind OT, but I hate OT due to inefficiency.

So. They need someone to replace her. And I think it's the first time Aidan smiling at me that way omg. Please don't weih haha. Although I'm unsure on the current plan, but I have assumed that I'm taking over her job now. She's even briefing me on her another team's work.... omg... Don't like this leh hahaha.

Time flies btw. I still rmb the day she joined us, we went to grab llao llao because got 33% off.... N next Wed is the 33% off ady. Even Darren is planning to roll off. He said, it's good to feel time flies as it means we are occupied with sth.

Today was not very smooth too. Workbook crashed. T63 couldn't log in. Didn't manage to settle PIP today. Means more work on Monday lah zz. And there's one user banyak pattern I'm so scared omg. Luckily the manager was a kind and nice guy. (I totally agree with his statement!! Compare my workload with the Petronas intern! Zzzz but I hate printing so it's fine haha)

Anyway, I just hope things get better (how could it be when there's no right ppl in the team?)

CHEERS

Intern小记7

I really don't know what happened to me. I was very very excited this morning although there is an UAT session ongoing at early morning and obviously we have lack of manpower to help out. Really appreciate to have Malvin who came and helped! Was quite cigek because they didn't prepare enough tables and chairs and we have to steal some from the pantry HHAHAHA. Interesting experience. Darren and Malvin were wondering at the reason I'm on cloud nine (even me myself).

UAT session was considered as very smooth and it ended at 12 sth! We went to Chinese stall and the curry mee was really delicious! But I started to don't feel like talking at all. Just want to stay away from everyone. Even llao llao can't give me happiness anymore! I guess the portion is too small? Or because I accidentally ate some tauge?

Things got worse after lunch when I was compiling defects. Again thanks Malvin for being helpful weih! I bet it's a vicious cycle? I got more inefficient when I got frustrated, and I was even angrier at myself when I was slow! I even started to hate people for no reason weih omg..

Anyway, I am still being extremely grateful to have good seniors. Darren volunteered to take my charger for me (when the charger was just in front of me HAHAHA) and he went to Level 46 with me because I was too blurred. He moved because he wanted me to sit more comfortably. And provide damn clear guidance in email maybe because he knows I'm blurred af hahaha. And also Malvin who had so many stuffs on his plate but still helped me to log defects. Thanks Roshan and Jinyi for chasing me home too.

Urgh. I guess it's just because of hormone? Or just I get upset at some people's work attitude? But I'm just an intern, why do I even need to care about it?

Updates after 30 minutes: CY IS HAPPY AND CONTENTED NOW BECAUSE SHE APPEARS IN SOMEONE'S LINKEDIN STATUS HAHSJSJHDJDKKDKD

Mood swing af kan? Haih

Post specially dedicated to my bf

My mum was keep telling me that I'm gonna meet better men (nah I rmb the 算命佬 said is 烂桃花 tho) after I start working.

Maybe internship is too short for me to meet a better guy? HAHAHA.

Guess what, although I'm working with bunch of guys, keep telling everyone I'm falling crazy for one guy (which I don't even get the chance to talk or work with him lol), every night after I off from my work, I am sincerely grateful to have my bf.

It's not about because how good he is treating me (nah he's treating me damn good lah of course hahaha).

It's about the feeling that, he is the one (disclaimer: for now lah of course nobody is going to guarantee what's going to happen in future ok I'm being conservative on this).

Maybe I never imagine one day I can have someone who tolerates me, let me be myself, brings laughter into my life? It feels like too good to be true, u know. How could it be? (Can imagine my bf scolding me stupid and thinking too much now haha)

I'm even feeling guilty because I felt I didn't contribute much into our relationship after I started my internship, should really think of sth hehe.

Thank you for everything.

Intern小记6

It seems like it just happened yesterday.

I just found out one of my colleagues is the manager. Gosh, she's giving off the chill and young vibes tho. Still remember the third day I joined the project, she was being nice to me and on boarded me informally (nah her position explains why she's doing that haha). She just came to talk to me and Roshan, then surprised at the fact that I am leaving soon.

Yeah, I'm surprised too. Time flies man. Especially when getting Daniel back to this project (I'm more than happy to see him! But too bad he's so busy and I don't feel like talking when there are too many people) for few days, makes me feel like he and Ai Ping just left here no longer ago?

Vinod, Zoey and Tik just left, few days ago? I had lost my interest in skyping anyone tho. Dont even feel like talking aish haha.

Extended my internship, wish I could stay till the end of project. Quoted Roshan, this project isn't good but it's enjoyable to work with people here!

Now workload is getting heavier. Luckily I've done my intern report earlier (I'm smart kan haha)! Means I gain more chances to help out, although I felt I screwed up sometimes gg.

Maybe Darren is right, I'm too afraid to fail? But I strongly believe that ensuring my work are completed correctly without creating any trouble to anyone is the correct work ethic. Serious, I noticed I really HATE bringing any trouble to anyone! No matter related to work or not. Even asking help from bf makes me feel guilty omg...

Receiving exit email indicates I'm leaving real soon. But I'm not prepared. How. Urgh.